Swipe Right for a Chrysler: How Noah Grant Fell for the Geometric Beauty of the Chrysler Conquest
Car love, or car lust?
Do you believe in love at first sight? If you do, you better be mindful when browsing the web late at night, because falling in love with sexy curves on the internet can send you down an expensive rabbit hole. Noah Grant is all too familiar with this feeling, but the curves he became infatuated with weren’t soft and smooth like those of a Tinderella—they were sharp and geometric, and found in the hatch and fenders of an ‘80s sports car. Instead of swiping right, he clicked on a Craigslist ad for a Chrysler Conquest a curious friend sent him late one night, and responded “I don’t know what it is, but I love the angles.” It wasn’t long before he found one locally wearing red and looking for a home, and started a fling with the car of his dreams, but quickly discovered she wasn’t a cheap date. They broke up after a couple years and a small fortune later, but his desires got the better of him, so he embarked on another relationship with the same snake that bit him, but this time a black beauty—his 1987 Chrysler Conquest TSI, and they have since become inseparable. Instead of weekend dates, their relationship has become a daily affair, and has not been without hiccups, but after all, love requires sacrifice.
Miles of Love, Leaks, and Learning
Have you ever seen a Chrysler Conquest street parked? Yeah me neither, but if you're lucky, you might find Noah’s Conquest parked in the vicinity of University of California San Diego, where he attends classes in pursuit of a cognitive sciences degree. Not only is the Conquest his daily driver, but also his only car, which means it can’t spend too long on jack stands since he relies on it to get him from point A to point B. On the rare occasion I do see a Conquest, it is usually sitting on flat tires with a badly torn cover draped over it, in the driveway of a stubborn owner who is far too enamored with it to let go of the damn thing. Noah’s situation couldn’t be more dissimilar. Since acquiring it in 2022, he has covered nearly 20,000 miles, and documented his ownership on pen and paper, making sure to never miss an oil change. Sounds like smooth sailing right? Well… not quite. Sometimes his drives end with him clutching a fire extinguisher in his lap after smelling unburnt fuel, or limping it onto a tow truck after a coolant geyser flows from a cracked heater core hose. At one point, he even had to pull the engine out to reseal it after it started puking oil from every orifice like a sopping wet sponge being wrung out in a kitchen sink. All of this might sound like the typical Chrysler experience for those who are familiar, but the Chrysler Conquest actually Isn't a Chrysler at all! Those tow truck rides and fluid leaks are courtesy of Mitsubishi.
When Badge Engineering Goes Right
Noah despises the Pentastar badge as much as I do, but even he isn’t afraid to admit that Chrysler isn’t to blame for his expensive love affair, that honor goes to Mitsubishi, who developed it as the Mitsubishi Starion in partnership with Chrysler Corporation, who rebadged it as the Dodge, Chrysler, or Plymouth Conquest. Chrysler is no stranger to giving the same exact car three different names, so one could argue they are just as guilty of badge engineering as General Motors. However, unlike the one size fits all “K” platforms Chrysler was known for in the ‘80s, the Conquest, despite wearing three different brand names for the same model, was something truly unique and special. Perhaps this is why Noah slapped on some Starion badges, to distance himself from the dreaded Chrysler stigma. Despite replacing the badges, Noah actually hopes to bring his Conquest back to stock condition for the time being. Certain car designs beg for modification just to improve their boring styling, while others lose character when owners tack on aftermarket bits, and the Conquest is definitely the latter of the two. Why fix what isn’t broken? Especially considering the flared fenders and staggered wheels give the Conquest a track ready appearance from the factory. Noah tells me he would eventually like to swap a 2JZ into the Conquest, a relatively common swap for the platform, but in the meantime, he gets plenty of driving pleasure from the factory equipped 2.6 liter G54B engine, which was highly advanced for in the mid ‘80s, and I found to be surprisingly potent for an engine from that time period.
Firm Suspension and Smooth Boost
Before getting behind the wheel, I anticipated the Conquest would offer a driving experience similar to my 1974 Datsun 260z. Beyond that, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but what I quickly discovered was that it had far better road manners than my clattery old Zcar. I knew the Conquest had aftermarket coilovers after peeking under the hood at the strut towers earlier in the morning, and when I asked which ones, Noah told me “the only ones they sell.” The suspension felt firm and responsive, but to my surprise, the dampening was much better than what I have come to expect from aftermarket struts. Needless to say, it didn’t feel like a Cadillac, but I knew that if I failed to dodge a massive pothole (thanks San Diego) I wasn’t going to shatter my spine. The power steering was lighter than I was hoping however, it didn’t affect the otherwise sharp handling, or feel excessively vague. The interior rattles from aging trim and chassis flex were minimal, similar to what you'd find in a well-kept Z31. This led me to believe that the Conquest could function as a solid grand tourer, if that’s what you desired. Now for the fun part, BOOST BABY! Contrary to what naive teenagers who watch too much Youtube will tell you, not all turbocharged cars from the ‘80s have tremendous turbo lag which causes the turbo to snap your neck when it finally becomes noticeable late in the powerband. Upon depressing the throttle, the factory boost gauge mounted front and center in the retro cluster spiked immediately, and the power delivery felt surprisingly smooth and linear almost as if it was coming from a larger naturally aspirated V6. Overall, I was impressed with how civil yet exciting the Conquest felt on the road, and I’ve since become tempted to search for one and dig my teeth into forbidden fruit.
Behind the Wheel and Beyond
In the end, Noah’s relationship with his Chrysler Conquest is a perfect example of how deep connections can form unexpectedly. Despite the speed bumps along the way, the bond he’s formed with his beloved Conquest has only grown stronger. While others may see it as a costly fling, for Noah, his car is a reminder that sometimes the best relationships are the ones that take a little extra effort. Now that I’ve made you familiar with the Conquest, keep your eye out for one. From afar, you might think you're looking at an RX7, but if you pull up next to the owner at a stoplight, don’t you dare tell them it looks like a Foxbody.
